My New Toilet Bidet

Hey folks! Tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to give you all a break from my political rants.  Not that there isn't a lot to rant about. In fact it's hard to keep up with the daily outrages of the incompetent, Keystone Cops antics of the Trump administration regime.

Time to catch up on the latest doings here at Casa Tipton-Kelly.  

We're getting a break from the seemingly endless succession of doctors' appointments. And to think I used to tease my Mother about her days being consumed with one doctor's appointment after another.  I remember back to my halcyon youth when I would go YEARS without a doctor's appointment.  No more folks, the Old Guy here is gradually falling apart, just like an old classic car.  No matter how much you take good care of your new car, inevitably parts start to go.  That's where I am at in life now folks, trying to keep the parts in working order.

Well, one thing I did last week has made my life so much easier is the installation of a toilet bidet.  Yes folks, after years of wishing that I had one of those toilet bidet contraptions that shot cold water up your ass after a dump, I got one!  

I have read that toilet bidets are common in other countries.  In our country I've read that many Hollywood celebrities get their ass cleaned out after moving their bowels.  I envied them.

Ever since my prostate procedure (seed implants) I have had a bowel 'situation'.  I sorry if I'm grossing any one out by being so blunt but that situation did and does exist.  This 'situation' is one of the unfortunate by products of prostate cancer treatment.  Thankfully I don't have urinary incontinence, which is what my oncologist was concerned about.  But the other problem does exist.

I used these so called disposable wipes, which as you know really aren't disposable. 

We have a septic tank here at Casa Tipton-Kelly, which I quickly filled up last year. When the honey-pot septic cleaner guy came by last summer he advised me to NOT dispose the wipes in the toiled but put them in a trash can like his wife does. Hmmmm, doesn't that sound nice?  Hardly.

I tried a half-way measure, some in the trash (the ones that weren't too messy) and the others in the toilet.  Still, I was going through those wipes fast. 
What to do?  Stop pooping?

I had checked out different bidet attachments before and they all looked so complicated.  Then a few weeks ago I saw one on Amazon that looked simple to install and didn't require electricity. It  got excellent reviews.  It only cost $39.99.  I ordered it.

It arrived two weeks ago.  Now to install it.  I don't care how simple it claims to install I am NOT mechanically inclined. And I especially didn't want to take a chance with water connections.

I hired one of my neighbors (Scott) who is a handyman and did some work for me last summer.  He replaced the roof tiles on my garden shed. 

Scott installed my toilet bidet last Saturday.  He tested it. The water shot right up to the bathroom door! It works!

I tested it later in the day.  Folks, it was fabulous!

I was a bit concerned with the cold water but that turned out not to be a problem.  In fact, it felt rather ('rawther') good to have that cold shot up my anal cavity. And the best part, I felt clean.  

One of the postive reviews I read said 'You wouldn't clean mud off of your driveway with a paper towel. You would use a hose with water. Why not clean yourself the same way?'  Indeed.

Just another small step in making life more comfortable and easier to get through the day folks. 

Life is good.  Now if we can just do something about that orange faced narcissist in the Oval Office who is making a laughing stock out of our country and making us less dangerous.

You didn't think I was going to let one day go without just one little political jab did you?