This morning I work up early. 'Early' was 4:30 am. Usually I don't wake up until 7:00 or 7:30 am.
I woke up early because I had a dream. A very clear dream. One of those dreams that wake you up.
As I have written before in this blog, at this time of my life thoughts of my mortality often enter my mind.
I have often said that I don't fear death or what happens after death. My only fear is how I'm going to get there. My preference is to go to sleep and just not wake up. That was the desired exit that two of my younger cousins (Randy and Hester) passed away these past few years. Neither was ill before they died. They just died in their sleep unexpectedly.
I have a mild case of COPD. A few years ago my cardiologist suggested that I wear one of those head gears when I sleep so I wouldn't pass away in my sleep. I didn't take his advice for a couple reason. First I would never get to sleep with a Hannibal Lechter mask on my head (and don't tell me I would get 'used to it'). Secondly, I have lived a long and good life and I am ready to go. Of course I would like to hang around for a lot longer but not in an enfeebled state like so many of my friends who have since departed. Of course none of us has a choice in how we make our exit. But I definitely do not want to die violently. Of course that would be quick but still, I'm not into pain or gore. The other way is to die slowly from a disease like Parkinson's like my friend Bob. To me the absolute worst way to die is in a coma, totally aware of what is going on around you while you're totally disabled.
Unless you take your life into your own hands (always a possibility but not preferable), none of us knows how or when we will die. But last night I had a dream. I didn't dream how I would die but I dreamt when I would die. It was clear as a bell, the date.
Usually when I have dreams I don't remember much of my dreams, only if the dream was bad or good. This one last night was disturbing. Can't say bad or good. But I remember the date.
I will die in 2033. Make the date down. I'll be 92 years old when I make my grand exit.
I'll take that.
